Higher Education Bill gets new look - 2004-01-26
Education Secretary Charles Clarke announced yet another adjustment to the bill, designed to appease the remaining, remaining rebels.

Clarke, whilst idly heating a nipple shaped iron poker, announced “We will guarantee university places to any rebel child regardless of wealth or academic ability, the only stipulation is that their parent must vote in favour of the Higher Education Bill. Additionaly to appeal to a wider base of MP the bill will now come in pink, with solid islamic and feminist values.”
Read the full story at The Spoof

Proponents encourage widespread training and use of special defibrillators - 2004-01-26
Jack Barlich, 66, of Del Rey Oaks, Calif., was winning at pai gow poker at the MGM Grand one moment. The next, he had dropped his glass of sparkling water and fell unconscious on his wife.

It was May 1. Barlich was in cardiac arrest. Irene Barlich tells what happened next.

"The dealer was already on the phone (summoning security officers and paramedics). Other bystanders, hotel guests, put him on the ground and started CPR right away."
Read the full story at Las Vegas Review-Journal